And I am going to be perfectly honest here, and tell you that at various times throughout my day, I probably feel every one of those things. But I am learning, growing, and changing the way that I think. I am taking my mind back. Because bad things happen to everyone. No one escapes this life unscathed. Sure, some people have more bad things happen to them than others, and that in itself can make one feel hopeless. And I would be lying if I said that I didn't look around at people who seemingly do not love their life the way that I love mine, people who abuse their bodies with Twinkies, alcohol and cigarettes (if this is your favorite way to unwind, I apologize in advance), and ask...WTF?
As I continue to research and study negativity, I've come to understand a few things. First, we cannot just decide, once confronted with a seemingly negative life event, that it is positive. If the event seems negative, we are going to ascribe negativity to it. Alex Lickerman wrote for psychology today that we all have negative selves, and these negative sides of us can show up for a couple of reasons, "one is as a result of a lack of self-confidence, or belief that we can solve a particular problem; the other is simply out of habit."
Let me just pull a hypothetical situation out of my hat here...say... ohhhh...just say a relatively young woman, who eats pretty healthy, loves her family, loves nature, and loves life, hot on the trail of her RN degree, and passionate about helping other people through illness, is diagnosed with a cancer that is dubbed "the old white mans cancer", because usually the only people that get it are in their 70's, white, and male. So ya, lets take that example. When this woman is told she has an incurable form of cancer, at first she IS going to ascribe negativity to that diagnosis.
We have to understand that just the WORD cancer, has a whole boat load of negative, scary, death knell souning, dark and painful emotions that comes along with it. It is an ugly, naked, cruel looking word that no one wants to see next to their name on their medical chart. It also seems like there is NO solving that problem, so that would fit into the first group above. A cancer diagnosis, especially at first, can leave one with no self confidence that they can solve this particular problem.
Second, is habit. Habit. Habits, especially when of the bad variety, can be very hard to break. Negative thoughts can pop into our mind constantly, especially if we are in the habit of thinking them. And one can get into the habit of thinking them rather quickly with a cancer diagnosis. The treatment, is to stop complaining. Stop thinking the thoughts. When we find ourself going down that twisted dark path of what-if's, we need to put up a red flag in our mind. Stop the thoughts before they go any further, and change them to something positive. We need to reprogram our neural pathways for positivity. I know that it can be done, because I have reprogrammed neural pathways before. When I first started back to school in 2009, learning textbook style was VERY difficult. It was almost physical pain to study, memorize, recall etc. But after the first couple of semesters, it was easy peasy! I had made new neural pathways! (who knew I was a neural highway engineer?)
I know this post is getting long, but its more for my own mental conditioning, so if you've hung with me this far...thank you :) Here is the truth. I do not have a choice in being diagnosed with canSer. It happened, it was real, I can't wiggle out of it. But I do have a choice on what I do with that information.
1.I can choose to be grateful each morning, because I woke up, and I am breathing. I can choose to be grateful for millions of things each day, each moment. So I have decided to keep a gratitude journal. Writing down what I am grateful for each day is one way to flip the negative to the positive.
2. When the negative thoughts creep in, I can stop them, and replace them with a scenario that has a positive outcome. For instance, "Why am I even in school, I probably won't make it to get my RN, and if I do get my RN, how will I even work?" can become, "I will see where this takes me, it may take me to something greater, unexpected, and more beautiful than I imagined nursing can be." I can turn the mystery, positive.
3. I can spend time with God. I really believe that a deep connection to the spiritual is important in maintaining a hopeful attitude. Why? Because God allows us to transcend these earthly problems. Spending time in meditation and prayer can lift us above the trials and allow us to spend time in eternity. This is always a positive thing.
4.I can Fake it until I make it. My husband is always telling me this. Smile when I am feeling crappy, because the worst thing that can happen is that I am smiling while I am feeling crappy. The best thing that can happen is that the smile releases endorphins, casting a rosy glow over my perspective instead of that dark horror movie gray.
5. I can move my body, or as Kris Carr says "shake your ass". Nothing bad can come from getting outside and walking. Not only does moving in an aerobic way increase endorphins, it takes us out of our body for a while and allows a more peaceful, positive mindset to take hold when we're having trouble keeping the negativity monster at bay.
And by the way, go to http://www.kerpoof.com/#/activity/draw and play with the drawing tool. Its how I made my cute little sign up top :)
No comments:
Post a Comment