Today spring is pretending that it lives in February instead of the end of March. That's okay with me. I pretend I live in the world of the "normals" (those without cancer) a lot too. What I find is that if I pretend long enough, I start to feel I belong with everyone else. And I do. Cause what are we humans if not the walking wounded. Everyone carrying their brokenness, but hiding it in secret places that aren't visible to the naked eye. My neighbor may not have cancer, but maybe her marriage is crumbling. Or...maybe she has cancer. How would I know? This day started not so good. I was turned away from the dermatologists office for my first appointment (that my oncologist scheduled for me, because those with CLL have a waaay higher incidence of melanoma) because I couldn't pay the full first time visit fee.Turned away. It was the first time in my life. And for something so important!
But I am determined not to let it break me. It colored my morning and awful shade of dark, but I am going to move forward through the rest of this day with joy, and love.
I'm off to class now, and I'm gonna keep track of how many people I can smile at, hold the door for, ask how they are doing. Its gonna be a good day!
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